“Be Strong and Take Heart, all you who Hope in the Lord.” Psalms 31:24
Look at this cool picture from my friend Billy Cannon. If God can hold this little bubble in turbulent waters and allow such a beautiful moment to come out of it, how much more can he do that for you and me?
When I think back over all that has happened in the last week…I think wow, has it only been a week? It’s hard to believe that it’s been a few weeks since my seizure and diagnosis and pretty much time has gone, sometimes fast, sometimes slow…but it goes on.
In my last couple blogs I explained a bit on some options for treatment for me. I’ve struggled really finding peace in a way to go. I’m not great at making decisions by myself, I have always been a firm believer of surrounding myself with people who have the same heart and direction and asking them to council me. Whether it’s soccer decisions, parenting decisions, decorating, whatever… I’ve always trusted those around me to help me. This decision has been no different for me.
We have been very blessed with connections to so many doctors, facilities and just wise people to give us their opinions. The doctors have been gracious to talk to Scott anytime, calling us from their vacation or where they are speaking to help us out. We have heard from Duke, MD Anderson, AR Baptist and UAMS. Pretty sure we could be on the phone with people from other places or these places all the time. But, we knew we needed to make a decision and get going on fighting this battle.
We had pretty much been told by several doctors that I needed to get going on Radiation and Chemo at least 4 weeks after my seizure. We had considered surgery to remove the tumors and again you have many brilliant minds with differing thoughts on the process. In the end Scott and I felt like the risk of surgery wasn’t worth it at this point. So we have decided to begin the chemo/radiation treatment….today. Geez….TODAY!
I know I posted back about the Mask I have to wear and I am still less than thrilled at the idea of wearing it. Today I will go and they will do the 30 minute run through (basically to make sure they have everything set with the machine before they zap me with radiation.) When I am done with that they want to do my first treatment. So I will be laying there longer than normal. Please pray for peace for me during this process. Ask the Lord to give me clarity on the verses he wants me to repeat and to remember them while I’m laying there. Pray that I can be a light to the technicians and other patients and that this step will begin the process of killing the tumors and little arms trying to infiltrate my brain.
Today I am holding on to the promises and Truths of this passage in Romans. It is one of my favorites. Paul was writing reminding us that if we are in Christ than NOTHING we encounter will be able to defeat us because of what Jesus already accomplished for us on the cross.
Romans 8:31-39
More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
God is greater than any battle we will face. IF God is for us….which he has promised that he is and has shown up big time by sending Jesus in our place….then no one/nothing CAN be against us and stand. God desires to bless us and give us ALL THINGS. I’m not saying God desires to give me millions of dollars, but desires to give me the BEST of ALL THINGS that I need. He knows what I need more than I could ever know.
33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Jesus himself is praying for me. I think about Jesus being in the garden with sweats of blood coming down because he knew the cross was just around the corner. He knew where to go for strength and he spent time alone with his Father throughout his time on earth communing through prayer. Jesus is praying for me….he is praying for you…he desires for our hearts to be drawn to him in complete dependence and to pour out our hearts to our Father.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]
Can Cancer separate us from the LOVE of Christ? Here’s the deal. We all face hardship and through those times we allow the devil to speak lies to us. “God doesn’t love you…. I told you there isn’t a God…who would let this happen…. you won’t beat this…. you aren’t worth anything….” And it goes on. We need to see, claim and understand that Satan desires to destroy us and the message of the hope of the gospel however he can. He will use our difficulties to try and refocus us off of what is True. Don’t let him.
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
We are promised to conqueror every situation we face because he loves us. It’s nothing we can do. We cannot earn the right to be a better conqueror because of what we have done. His promise in ALL THESE things is based off of who HE is and the love he showed us through Jesus death for us. There is nothing – in my case, not even cancer -that can separate me from God’s love. He has promised to fight this battle for me, to sustain me and in the end I will conqueror it because of who he is. I could throw a party after I read this passage!
So as I move forward through this 6 first week journey of Chemo/radiation please pray these things for me:
- Peace as I lay on the machine and complete focus on the Lord
- Peace as my M-F days will be going to get the radiation and remembering to take medicine
- Good health and energy during my treatment
- For God to continue to give me opportunities to encourage my family, soccer players and anyone else the Lord brings into my path – may I never listen to the lies of the devil and may I continue to claim his Truth to matter what.
Seriously so thankful and humbled by all of you. Please feel free to send me your prayer requests. I have so many journals going right now for different things, but I want to be faithful to pray for you as you struggle or battle. I like to spend as little time thinking about myself and praying for others has been such a blessing to me already.
Nicole, I believe God has a big plan for your life and He is going to use you to bless all those you come in contact with, as hard as it may be and you will have those days, just know God knows your heart, He knows you are human He knows even on the days you are tired and want to give up that you really are trusting Him and His word, He knows your heart. I am praying that he will give you peace and strength to fight this battle. I always said this evil will not destroy me. When those day come that you can’t pray remember others are praying and holding you up, this is just a test and you will win. Keep your faith.
Love you.
Nicole may God’s peace and understanding be with you as you have these treatments. May you glorify the one who died on the cross to save us from our sins. We love you.
Sending prayers.
Nicole, I love the picture of the bubble because when I was treated for lung cancer last year I felt that God put me in a bubble of peace. We are praying that God surrounds you and your family with His perfect peace. He is an awesome, good God. We know that every thing that happens will be for your good and His Glory!
Nicole,
God will glorify Himself in you and through you!! He will be faithful to you through this process and you will come forth as pure gold. You and Scott and family are much loved and prayed for.
II Corinthians 2:14 is not only the truth. It is your inheritance!! Much love, grace, and peace to you and your family through it all!! Randy Cutrell and family