Walk in it

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

So I’ve had a few days to begin to see doctors and to begin to live this life battling cancer and it’s affects.  My life has been one of ease really.  No doctor appointments and no struggles.  A few years ago I started swelling up from ibuprofen and so I had to quit taking that.  I’ve never struggled with my health and I have honestly probably taken it for granted.  Who has time to deal with health issues anyway?  It’s amazing how much can change in just a couple weeks.

One of the blessings of this cancer right now is the steroid they have given me.  So, I’ve always been a pretty busy person getting stuff done and moving…now that’s been kicked up a bit.  I’m constantly looking for things to do and keeping busy, doing something.  I’m hoping before they take me off of it I’ve gone through every corner of my house!  I need to!  So much to do and I guess the blessing right now is that I have the time to get some stuff done.

One of the things I’ve never liked doing is going to the doctor.  Never had a reason to go really and I’ve been very thankful that it hasn’t been needed.  The last couple days my days have been focused on doctor appointments and beginning the process of setting up my treatment.  It’s hard to sit and listen to the doctor talk to you about how you have cancer and what will need to happen to help you fight this thing.  It doesn’t matter that they are pulling staples out of your head and you are obviously the one they are talking about, when in reality you don’t feel like it could be you.  I look at the other people in the waiting room and my heart breaks for them because they are sick…and then you remember that you are technically sick too.  Honestly, I just want to get the blood drawn get done and get to living – coaching again.  Who has time for this?

Here’s the deal.  I firmly believe this.  The Lord has brought me to this point for a reason.  The more I have poured over scripture, he keeps speaking to me and asking me to trust him.  No matter what the doctors tell me or the treatment plan or whatever, the Lord is saying, “do you trust me?”  I always thought I did.  But my faith hasn’t been tested or put out there like it is now.  He is asking me to follow him and to walk in the way he is leading me.  Does that mean it’s all been easy?  No.  Does that mean I would want to go back to my life I was living 2 weeks ago, yes.  But, he knows me better than I know myself and He has designed an opportunity for me to know him in a greater way and to really determine if my faith is genuine.

My faith is tested when I hear the doctors talking about my treatment.  My faith is tested when the scans really do show what people tell me they show.  My faith is tested when my head is sore from the incision.  My faith is tested when I look at my family and I have to think, will I see them here in 10 years.  But, the Lord has given me his peace.   He desires for me to keep my eyes fixed on him and his Truth and to live each day to love others and point them to the cross.  I can’t explain how he has done this in my life, but he has.  I choose Jesus above all else and trust that He will lead me where he desires to use me.  Today I choose to walk where he calls me and to rely completely on him for every moment of every day.

Please continue to pray for me to have opportunities to encourage and share my story with others.  I would like this cancer to not only change me, but to change anyone who will take the time to allow Jesus to speak to them through me.

 

It’s Sunday – Pressing forward

Sunday is always such a relief for me.  It’s the beginning of the week, but it is there to help me focus my week on what’s important and to really spend time with my creator.  Today was tough.  He knows that.  I wanted to just crawl in his lap and allow him to comfort me and hold me.  He allowed me that opportunity but, then spoke his sweetness into my soul.  To comfort and encourage me to press on EVEN in what I’m facing now.  He isn’t surprised by my circumstances, he has allowed them and desires to teach me and guide me through them.

Even though all of this is pretty new, I can already see him working in my life.  He has reminded me of the journey he has already taken me on and how he has showed up and worked to grow me closer to him and to show me where I needed to allow him to mold me and use me.

I’m not going to pretend to know why or how this is all going to go.  Because I don’t know.  But, I know the one who does know.  That brings me comfort and focus for the unknown that is coming a head for me.  I know God loves me.  I know He desires to grow me.  I know he is going to use my life and experiences to bring others to himself.  And I am humbled by all of that.

I have been recently thinking about an experience I had as teenager and don’t know why the Lord has brought it to my mind, but I know things don’t just happen.  When I was 16, I was helping coach a soccer team.  I was on my way to a tourney with a teammate/co-coach when we were hit and involved in a serious car wreck.  The Lord graciously moved the car to keep her and myself from the brunt of the hit, but one of my little player’s dad was driving the car and he was hit.  It ended up being one of those scenes in the movies with the jaws of life and helicopters.  It was a moment for me that changed my life.  I was a happy teenager with things going great and here I was covered in glass and blood in a car waiting to be rescued.  As a teenager obviously my looks meant a lot to me and it was hard for me to be cut up and wondering how things were going to be years down the road.  I worried about my collegiate career and finding a guy who would love my scarred faced.

As I look back at what the Lord did through that situation, I can see the Lord working all through it.  But, I failed.  Sometime after I went through the situation, one of my friends was also in a car wreck, slashed her face up and went through some of the same things I had gone through.  I wasn’t mature enough at the time to understand the opportunity the Lord had given me to minister to someone else.  To take the focus off of myself and to use my battle to encourage someone else.  This has stuck with me and I have gone back to it many times.  I vowed I would never waste a moment that the Lord gave me and I would trust that my difficulties had purpose and He would use them for my good, his glory and for others.

I don’t know where this journey is taking me in the end.  But, I know the one who walks beside me.  He hasn’t changed or become less than what he was a week ago.  He has called me to come deep and to trust him and through my life I’ve learned he’s the only one I can truly trust no matter what I see.

I sat in church today and I wept.  I wept because I know that the Lord of the universe has decided to use my life for something greater than I expected.  I wept because he has a plan and someday I’ll know the why.   I wept because I am surrounded by such amazing family and friends who love me and sacrifice so much to serve me.  Cancer stinks and it’s not God’s design.  But, he can use the worst of things to do the best of things.  I raise my hand to say, “Lord here I am and if going through this brings me closer to you and if going through this draws others to you, then I surrender and together we are going to move mountains!”  It’s Sunday and God is on his throne, working in my life and I don’t know why he chose me at this moment for this situation, but someday I will know and I will be thankful for what the Lord has done.

“There is one thing I always do.  Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me.”  Philippians 3:13-14

Prayer Requests:

  • My strength and heart to be focused on the Lord NO MATTER WHAT
  • Right questions and direction when we meet with doctors
  • To minister to my kids, the teens on my teams and other teens who struggle with the why in all of this
  • For Scott and I to just grow closer and closer together through this

The Journey Begins The Lord is my light and my salvation – there is no need to fear.

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“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him” Psalm 28:7

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I’ve written a few things here and some how the words have disappeared.  So I’m going to keep this short so I know whether this is working.  I’ve decided to start a blog to just keep me focused on what I need to focus on during this time and to share with others my heart.  If no one else reads this, it’s ok.  Lord, use my experience to make me more like you and to encourage others to seek you and serve you every day we are blessed to live here.  I’ve been given the cancer diagnosis and I am going to be in a battle for as long as the Lord desires.  I trust in a Savior that changes people and he has done things to make me weep.  He knows I need him more than ever and I am going to fall deeper and deeper in love with him in each moment and during this battle.

I plan to use this to encourage others and to share my heart.  Hopefully I figured out how to publish this, so if this works I’ll write more tomorrow.

He Has Done Great Things

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He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. Luke 1:49

Do you believe God has done great things for YOU?

What if this Christmas Season we were to take every opportunity the Lord gives us to share our personal testimony with someone else about all the “great things” He has done for us? For most of us this is a little out of our comfort zone or perhaps it may seem daunting. Or perhaps truth be told, we feel the not so great things out number the “great things” God may be doing in our lives.

Pain, heartache, hardship, and suffering are real even for believers. They are part of our fallen world. However, our redemption is in the cross and empty tomb. If you are a Child of God, not mater what is going on in in your life, you can lift your eyes upward from your circumstances. God is still the same yesterday  as today. He is sovereign over every moment of your life. He is always giving you a reason for rejoicing, although it may be challenging—even with eyes filled with tears. He is good—and doing great things for you and in you.

When Mary found out she was with child, she had so many reasons for concerns. She did not know how her others would perceive the news. I am sure she was worried and felt some uncertainty–but despite how she felt, she felt her creator was worthy of praise! She did not know how she would tell Joseph. What would he think? What would others think of her? How did God expect her do all this? Perhaps all these concerns she brought to Elizabeth when she stayed with her. We do not know, but what we do know—is Mary exhausted her Father with praise and worthiness. She worshiped Him in her own song. She not only felt gratitude in her own heart, but she expressed it verbally to others.

And Mary said, “My soul magnifies he Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and hold is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation….” Luke 1:46-56

She was overwhelmed, shaken, and filled with gratitude that her Holy God noticed her. She would play a part in the redemption of God’s plan—she worshipped her Creator with admiration and praise. Mary did not let her fear overwhelm her but was grateful to be used by God for His purpose and design, even if it included hardship. The Lord does great things even in difficult seasons! She willingly shared her testimony. How can you share your testimony this Christmas?