I know it’s been a couple of days since I wrote anything and honestly not ignoring this opportunity, I have just been loved on by so many, so well that face to face relationships have taken priority to me sitting down to write.  I also have been in a holding pattern it seems on what to do next.  Let me tell you first about the blessings that have occurred in my life the last couple of days which has just brought distraction and just joy to me.

I have to admit the days sort of run together and without a “set” schedule the days run together and I am going from one thing to the next.  I look forward to the daily visits from different people who have been able to pour into me encouragement, prayer, laughs and just normalcy.

Saturday morning we said goodbye to our older three who headed to Colorado on a mission trip.  They were excited about the opportunity to go and never once vocalized whether they should go or not.  For that I am thankful.  They trust in the One that I trust in and they are living that out by continuing to press on and forward in what they have been called to go and do.  Please pray for them while they are gone.  Pray that they grow and learn to trust the Lord in a whole new way.  Pray for me while they are gone.  I’ve never cried when my kids have left for trips…. but I did this time.  I don’t even know why.  I am thankful for the phones….they send me all kinds of pics so I can see them doing what they are doing and that makes me smile.  So our house will be a bit quieter this week.  

Saturday I had the awesome privilege to represent my school, players and other coaches at the state sports banquet.  Goodness was it fun to watch players who have put in so much time and energy into their passion and watch how they have already succeeded and how they desire to continue on in their sport of passion going forward.  It was fun for me as well because I had two of my high school players were recognized and there were four girls I have coached in club who were also recognized for their accomplishments which was fun.  For the four hours I was there I felt normal and cancer wasn’t a part of the night.

I was very humbled to be named girls soccer coach of the year for Arkansas and stand with the other great coaches being recognized for their own commitments and successes.  It was just a great evening of celebration.  I have learned through this never to take these moments for granted.  To soak it all in and enjoy the experience you are living without looking for the next thing or how you wish things were different than they turn out to be.  I had the opportunity to meet the volleyball coach of the year as well and just as the Lord likes to do, she had just heard about my diagnosis the day before and been praying for me without even knowing we would be at the same banquet. God has surrounded me with such awesome prayer warriors and I am very thankful.  Please pray for me to just soak in every moment I’ve been given no matter how small it may seem.  I don’t want to miss anything!

I’ve struggled to finish this the past day and a half because I have really been pressing into the Lord to say, “what do you want to show me?”  I am spending so much time in the Word and reading great devotionals, books and stories that so many of you have sent me that have been so encouraging for me.  Honestly I’ve felt like a “normal” person the last couple of days.  An undeserved, blessed, normal person lol.

But, I woke up today and the Lord gave me a direct message through His Word and I want to share it with you:

I read in 1 Kings 19:11-13 about Elijah’s time with the Lord.  Leading up to this moment he had battled the prophets of Baal and had defeated them by calling down fire from heaven, while they struggled – cutting themselves and begging Baal to show up…and he never did.  Elijah trusted in the Lord and the Lord provided the fire and consumed everything around it proving once and for all that he is the only TRUE God.  (1Kings 18:1-46)

Even after this success Elijah was in a battle and being chased by queen Jezebel and he ran away to escape.  He was tired and warn out and ready to die.  He begged God to allow him to die.  But, the Lord ministered to him and brought him food and water and encouragement in a different form…..

1 Kings 19:11-13

¹¹ The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.

After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.

And after the fire came a gentle whisper.¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

So often we battle or life gets hard and we just want God to take it away or show up big or do something….anything at that moment.  And honestly we miss him working in our lives because of what we expect should happen or how it should go.

As I sit and think about my own struggles right now I feel Elijah.  “God this battle, this enemy, these decisions, THIS…is too much.  I just want to serve you like I’ve been doing, ministering to my family and others…not dealing with THIS.”  But, he’s reminding me that THIS has been given to me for MY BETTER and that HE is Faithful Forever.

The desires for me to not be blown away by the loudness, the hard news, the storms, the wind, the fire…ect, He desires for me to sit and hear his whisper and to come near to him as he ministers to my heart.   I love the question he asks Elijah, “What are you doing here?”  When I come to the Lord with my questions, doubt, fear, uncertainty – he’s asking me, “what are you doing here?”  He wants to know the deepest desire of my heart and is my heart focused on him and what he can and promises to do in and through me or am I struggling in the storm waiting to sink not trusting that God CAN and he WILL do what is best and necessary to draw me closer to himself moment by moment.

I can say pretty honestly, I wouldn’t have chosen cancer.  However, I can also say that through this experience I get to hear the whisper of God in my heart and mind like I never have before and he is really asking me if I trust him.   I wake up everyday and must choose to trust and not be blown away by the storms around me.  I trust in the one who holds my life and I trust that he will minister to me every moment, in every way that I need it.  He will hold me and whisper to me, “My faithful love endures forever.”

I’ve included a picture of Psalm 136:1-9 today which was such a blessing to me this morning.  Please pray these things for me:

1.  That I will always be thankful and give thanks to the Lord
2. That I will always focus on that he is faithful and his love endures forever
3. He who made and maintains the heavens – is caring for me through each whisper, call, doctor and experience – I don’t want to miss his voice!
4. And just pray that as we have to make final decisions the next couple of days that I will have complete peace and TRUST that the Lord is leading us and has this

Thank you everyone for your faithfulness to pray and walk with us.  If I am the only one changed through this experience, it’s not worth it to me.  I am fervently praying for God to move each of us to love him greater and to live that out ever day.  He has a story to tell through this and goodness we are going to be blown away!   #hopewarrior