Category: Encouragement Posts

Treatment Decision – Moving Forward

Florida Sunset

“Be Strong and Take Heart, all you who Hope in the Lord.”  Psalms 31:24

Look at this cool picture from my friend Billy Cannon.  If God can hold this little bubble in turbulent waters and allow such a beautiful moment to come out of it, how much more can he do that for you and me?

When I think back over all that has happened in the last week…I think wow, has it only been a week?  It’s hard to believe that it’s been a few weeks since my seizure and diagnosis and pretty much time has gone, sometimes fast, sometimes slow…but it goes on.

In my last couple blogs I explained a bit on some options for treatment for me.  I’ve struggled really finding peace in a way to go.  I’m not great at making decisions by myself, I have always been a firm believer of surrounding myself with people who have the same heart and direction and asking them to council me.  Whether it’s soccer decisions, parenting decisions, decorating, whatever… I’ve always trusted those around me to help me.  This decision has been no different for me.

We have been very blessed with connections to so many doctors, facilities and just wise people to give us their opinions.  The doctors have been gracious to talk to Scott anytime, calling us from their vacation or where they are speaking to help us out.  We have heard from Duke, MD Anderson, AR Baptist and UAMS.  Pretty sure we could be on the phone with people from other places or these places all the time.  But, we knew we needed to make a decision and get going on fighting this battle.

We had pretty much been told by several doctors that I needed to get going on Radiation and Chemo at least 4 weeks after my seizure.  We had considered surgery to remove the tumors and again you have many brilliant minds with differing thoughts on the process.  In the end Scott and I felt like the risk of surgery wasn’t worth it at this point.  So we have decided to begin the chemo/radiation treatment….today.  Geez….TODAY!

I know I posted back about the Mask I have to wear and I am still less than thrilled at the idea of wearing it.  Today I will go and they will do the 30 minute run through (basically to make sure they have everything set with the machine before they zap me with radiation.)   When I am done with that they want to do my first treatment.  So I will be laying there longer than normal.  Please pray for peace for me during this process.  Ask the Lord to give me clarity on the verses he wants me to repeat and to remember them while I’m laying there.  Pray that I can be a light to the technicians and other patients and that this step will begin the process of killing the tumors and little arms trying to infiltrate my brain.

Today I am holding on to the promises and Truths of this passage in Romans.  It is one of my favorites.  Paul was writing reminding us that if we are in Christ than NOTHING  we encounter will be able to defeat us because of what Jesus already accomplished for us on the cross.

Romans 8:31-39

More Than Conquerors

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

God is greater than any battle we will face.  IF God is for us….which he has promised that he is and has shown up big time by sending Jesus in our place….then no one/nothing CAN be against us and stand.  God desires to bless us and give us ALL THINGS.  I’m not saying God desires to give me millions of dollars, but desires to give me the BEST of ALL THINGS that I need.  He knows what I need more than I could ever know.

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

Jesus himself is praying for me.  I think about Jesus being in the garden with sweats of blood coming down because he knew the cross was just around the corner.  He knew where to go for strength and he spent time alone with his Father throughout his time on earth communing through prayer.  Jesus is praying for me….he is praying for you…he desires for our hearts to be drawn to him in complete dependence and to pour out our hearts to our Father.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

Can Cancer separate us from the LOVE of Christ?  Here’s the deal.  We all face hardship and through those times we allow the devil to speak lies to us.  “God doesn’t love you…. I told you there isn’t a God…who would let this happen…. you won’t beat this…. you aren’t worth anything….” And it goes on.  We need to see, claim and understand that Satan desires to destroy us and the message of the hope of the gospel however he can.  He will use our difficulties to try and refocus us off of what is True.  Don’t let him.

 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We are promised to conqueror every situation we face because he loves us.  It’s nothing we can do.  We cannot earn the right to be a better conqueror because of what we have done.  His promise in ALL THESE things is based off of who HE is and the love he showed us through Jesus death for us.  There is nothing – in my case, not even cancer -that can separate me from God’s love.  He has promised to fight this battle for me, to sustain me and in the end I will conqueror it because of who he is.  I could throw a party after I read this passage!  

So as I move forward through this 6 first week journey of Chemo/radiation please pray these things for me:

  • Peace as I lay on the machine and complete focus on the Lord
  • Peace as my M-F days will be going to get the radiation and remembering to take medicine 
  • Good health and energy during my treatment
  • For God to continue to give me opportunities to encourage my family, soccer players and anyone else the Lord brings into my path – may I never listen to the lies of the devil and may I continue to claim his Truth to matter what.

 

Seriously so thankful and humbled by all of you.  Please feel free to send me your prayer requests.  I have so many journals going right now for different things, but I want to be faithful to pray for you as you struggle or battle.  I like to spend as little time thinking about myself and praying for others has been such a blessing to me already.

family picture
Continue to pray for the kids and Scott as we battle forward

Keeping Focused

I know I wrote a couple days ago and many of you have asked me questions about the appointment and what we have decided to do.  I would love to report that we are 100% sure on what we are going to do, but we aren’t there.  We had a great visit with a Dr. at UAMS and enjoyed his knowledge and all that he feels like he can do when he sees my scans.  He is very confident that he can go in and remove most if not all of the tumors and would do part of the surgery on me awake.  Little bit for me to wrap my head around.  It’s gotten a little easier to think about the process of all of this because I have been surrounded with great encouragement from so many people and have been given the opportunity to speak with others who have gone through similar situations.

I spent almost an hour on the phone last night with a woman who lives hear Hot Springs.  Her husband has battled brain cancer for the past 5 years and she was so gracious to share with me their journey and struggles – but also praises.  He underwent the same type of procedures that we are talking about for me.  I love being able to share life with new people and be able to praise God together and pray together as we are both in a very real battle, but trust in the One we know can deliver and will no matter what.  Please pray for them: Her name is Kim and her Husband is Mike.  Pray for God to work in a mighty way in his brain and for them to continue to feel peace in the process.

While I was on the phone with Kim, Scott was on the phone with someone else who had connections to a couple doctors at Duke.  He shared with this woman a little about what was going and then today we sent my pics to the doctors there so they could look at them.  We should hear from them this weekend.

I have seen God show up in some amazing -amazing ways.  I cannot keep up writing about it because I am in tears most of the time as I really think about how he is just keeping me close to his heart and working so many details out for me that he knows that I need.  I wake up every day, spend time in the word and every moment after that I am choosing to trust.  I don’t know what my future holds.  I choose not to think about it too much.  Honestly, all I want to think about is relaxing by the pool, getting my house redone and getting my soccer stuff organized.  But, the Lord has a different plan for me this summer.  He has decided to take me deep and to ask me to draw others closer to himself.  I could refuse and live in misery and worry.  But, I have seem him bless too may circumstances in my life for me to choose that road.  I am confident that he who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6) . He isn’t going to waste a moment of this journey for me and those who allow him in.

With all of this going on in my life…. other things in life continue on.  I need to order letters and awards for my high school girls…I’m a little behind on this.  Should’ve already ordered these things.  I am trying to put together and get my club team organized – do people want to play for a coach with a brain tumor…lol.  But, goodness have I been so touched by these ladies and their families.  Literally my time coaching means so much to me.  I love the opportunity to challenge the ladies on the field and in life and to just love on them.  I know the struggles they face and I know it’s hard for them to find someone to open to and my greatest desire is for them to know that they can count on me.  I’ve struggled with that a bit through this, because there are no guarantees in any of this.  But, the reality is there never is or was a guarantee before my diagnosis either.  I am focused, committed and steadfast to be here for them for however long our journey is and to show them how you struggle and overcome – to be a warrior through life’s rocky journey.

I am working through designing a t-shirt right now, to help my girls (teams) and keep them focused on this battle and who holds the victory.  This shirt will keep me focused on the One who holds me and where I need to spend my energy no matter what I may see going forward.  I can’t wait to show you all the finished design!

I have been working through this passage today:

“May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Please pray this verse for me…

  • I want the JOY of Christ to always be evident in my life.  This isn’t a “happy” tone or way to be, it’s a deep uncontrollable overflow that only the Lord can give.  No matter my situation or circumstances, I want the JOY of Christ to bubble over in my life.
  • That I will have peace going forward.  We are about to make a decision regarding my treatment.  What I have basically been told is that you start a treatment and go with it.  And choosing one thing over the other is your decision.  I want to be wise and I want God’s peace in the process.  He has brought so many awesome people to us that has been such a blessing to us to help us navigate through these decisions – so thankful.
  • That we may overflow with HOPE.  I want to be a Hope Warrior.  In the Old Testament Hope was linked with “putting confidence in or taking refuge in.”  The New Testament goes on to say that the christian has hope that is the “assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.(Hebrews 11:1) It cannot be moved by circumstances.  I want to step forward in complete confidence and know no matter what I am told, I can trust in the one who holds me.   He is my refuge and I can take refuge in him going forward.

Thank you for praying and ministering to me and my family already.  I keep asking God why he chose me to share this message… but I am already so blessed and thankful for what I have seen him do.

 

The Battle

Today is Tuesday and honestly Sunday and Monday were sort of a blur for me.  I had been blessed to be prayed over Sunday at church and through Scott’s cousin who drove down from Kansas to lay hands on me.  I believe that the Lord may have used his power, spoken through his people to heal me, but I don’t know that at this moment so I have been living in a very real battle.

I have really been at peace with this whole situation and I cannot explain how that’s possible, except that God has given that peace to me.  A clear path had been given to me to follow for treatment and I was focused on that walking forward.  However, the Lord decided to give me something new and now it’s a battle in my mind and what to do going forward.

We have been blessed with a wonderful neighbor who works at UAMS in the brain tumor area – sorry I know there’s correct titles and specific jobs, but I don’t remember!  Anyway, Scott and I have been given the opportunity to go today to visit with a doctor who specializes in removing tumors prior to treatment.  He feels like my tumors could be removed and then with a clean brain cavity we attack the remaining cells through radiation and chemo.  The whole idea of this has really tripped me up and now I’m really praying through which direction the Lord desires for us to follow.  I have to admit it’s a lot to allow someone access close to my brain and work in there when something could get cut or something could happen while they are in there.  There’s the second part of this which is that the second surgery they would have me awake while they remove things.  I’ve never been a doctor person or surgery person so it’s all new to me.  So I am battling the fear, the unknown and the correct path to follow.

I am really asking for serious prayer for me today.  Here is where I need you to focus:

  • No FEAR – that I may completely trust the Lord in the decision that is best for us
  • Clear DIRECTION – Scott and I are praying that we will have peace to know which direction we follow – it’s an either or
  • Confident DECISION – I’m not a confident decision maker and I love to get other people’s input.  I know in the end the final decision on what we choose will rest on my shoulders and that is hard for me to accept.
  • Total HEALING – praying that God uses whichever direction to completely heal me.  I haven’t focused on this much, but I know that God desires for us to ask what is on our hearts so I am asking for this

 

The devil desires to pick me off and to not allow the story of Christ to penetrate the hearts of those the Lord is drawing close.  But we have been given a battle plan.  I was reading through 1 Peter 5:8-11 and these Truths were necessary for me today and I pray they speak to your heart as well:

8 – Be ALERT and of SOBER MIND.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

  • We must understand that we are in a battle.  When we sit back and relax we allow ourselves to be an easy target and our faith and growth will be affected.  We must call out these attacks and stand behind Jesus so we come forth victorious.

9- RESIST him, standing FIRM in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

  • Hard times are rarely things we rejoice over.  However, in my life I have seen the Lord grow me and use the hardest times to make my faith stronger and who he is more real then the easy times.
  • We are never walking this journey alone.  I have been so blessed by so many of you as you share your stories of your own lives and it has encouraged me to press forward and continue to keep my eyes fixed forward on the Lord.  The Lord never wastes are suffering.  Thank you for encouraging me and lifting me up as you share your own battles.

10- And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will HIMSELF RESTORE YOU and make you STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST.

  • I am clinging to this promise and truth.  God HIMSELF will restore me and he will use this to make me strong, my faith firm and steadfast.  He promises to never waste our difficulties.  I don’t know what my restoration will look like – but I do know in the end I will be restored completely in his glory to worship him forever.

11-TO HIM BE THE POWER  for every and ever. Amen.

  • God has all the power to heal me….today….next week or when he chooses.  I am asking him to do that.  I don’t know if his desire is to use this new opportunity that has been given to me or that he desires to use what we had planned before.  But I believe that he has the power to do it.

Please pray through these verses with me the next couple of days. We will have many decisions to make and I want to be faithful to follow the Lord’s path for us.  I don’t want to get pulled into the battle and I don’t want to allow the devil to have one moment of my life to distract me or pull me away from what the Lord desires to do through me.

Thank you friends for holding up my arms in this battle, like Joshua and Hur did for Moses in Exodus 17-I cannot walk and succeed in this battle alone – I need arm holders to defeat this! 13-2-15-israel_s-first-enemy

“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him.  I have put my hope in his word.”  Psalm 130:5