Category: Encouragement Posts

I know I wrote a couple days ago and many of you have asked me questions about the appointment and what we have decided to do.  I would love to report that we are 100% sure on what we are going to do, but we aren’t there.  We had a great visit with a Dr. at UAMS and enjoyed his knowledge and all that he feels like he can do when he sees my scans.  He is very confident that he can go in and remove most if not all of the tumors and would do part of the surgery on me awake.  Little bit for me to wrap my head around.  It’s gotten a little easier to think about the process of all of this because I have been surrounded with great encouragement from so many people and have been given the opportunity to speak with others who have gone through similar situations.

I spent almost an hour on the phone last night with a woman who lives hear Hot Springs.  Her husband has battled brain cancer for the past 5 years and she was so gracious to share with me their journey and struggles – but also praises.  He underwent the same type of procedures that we are talking about for me.  I love being able to share life with new people and be able to praise God together and pray together as we are both in a very real battle, but trust in the One we know can deliver and will no matter what.  Please pray for them: Her name is Kim and her Husband is Mike.  Pray for God to work in a mighty way in his brain and for them to continue to feel peace in the process.

While I was on the phone with Kim, Scott was on the phone with someone else who had connections to a couple doctors at Duke.  He shared with this woman a little about what was going and then today we sent my pics to the doctors there so they could look at them.  We should hear from them this weekend.

I have seen God show up in some amazing -amazing ways.  I cannot keep up writing about it because I am in tears most of the time as I really think about how he is just keeping me close to his heart and working so many details out for me that he knows that I need.  I wake up every day, spend time in the word and every moment after that I am choosing to trust.  I don’t know what my future holds.  I choose not to think about it too much.  Honestly, all I want to think about is relaxing by the pool, getting my house redone and getting my soccer stuff organized.  But, the Lord has a different plan for me this summer.  He has decided to take me deep and to ask me to draw others closer to himself.  I could refuse and live in misery and worry.  But, I have seem him bless too may circumstances in my life for me to choose that road.  I am confident that he who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6) . He isn’t going to waste a moment of this journey for me and those who allow him in.

With all of this going on in my life…. other things in life continue on.  I need to order letters and awards for my high school girls…I’m a little behind on this.  Should’ve already ordered these things.  I am trying to put together and get my club team organized – do people want to play for a coach with a brain tumor…lol.  But, goodness have I been so touched by these ladies and their families.  Literally my time coaching means so much to me.  I love the opportunity to challenge the ladies on the field and in life and to just love on them.  I know the struggles they face and I know it’s hard for them to find someone to open to and my greatest desire is for them to know that they can count on me.  I’ve struggled with that a bit through this, because there are no guarantees in any of this.  But, the reality is there never is or was a guarantee before my diagnosis either.  I am focused, committed and steadfast to be here for them for however long our journey is and to show them how you struggle and overcome – to be a warrior through life’s rocky journey.

I am working through designing a t-shirt right now, to help my girls (teams) and keep them focused on this battle and who holds the victory.  This shirt will keep me focused on the One who holds me and where I need to spend my energy no matter what I may see going forward.  I can’t wait to show you all the finished design!

I have been working through this passage today:

“May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Please pray this verse for me…

• I want the JOY of Christ to always be evident in my life.  This isn’t a “happy” tone or way to be, it’s a deep uncontrollable overflow that only the Lord can give.  No matter my situation or circumstances, I want the JOY of Christ to bubble over in my life.
• That I will have peace going forward.  We are about to make a decision regarding my treatment.  What I have basically been told is that you start a treatment and go with it.  And choosing one thing over the other is your decision.  I want to be wise and I want God’s peace in the process.  He has brought so many awesome people to us that has been such a blessing to us to help us navigate through these decisions – so thankful.
• That we may overflow with HOPE.  I want to be a Hope Warrior.  In the Old Testament Hope was linked with “putting confidence in or taking refuge in.”  The New Testament goes on to say that the christian has hope that is the “assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.(Hebrews 11:1) It cannot be moved by circumstances.  I want to step forward in complete confidence and know no matter what I am told, I can trust in the one who holds me.   He is my refuge and I can take refuge in him going forward.

Thank you for praying and ministering to me and my family already.  I keep asking God why he chose me to share this message… but I am already so blessed and thankful for what I have seen him do.

Today is Tuesday and honestly Sunday and Monday were sort of a blur for me.  I had been blessed to be prayed over Sunday at church and through Scott’s cousin who drove down from Kansas to lay hands on me.  I believe that the Lord may have used his power, spoken through his people to heal me, but I don’t know that at this moment so I have been living in a very real battle.

I have really been at peace with this whole situation and I cannot explain how that’s possible, except that God has given that peace to me.  A clear path had been given to me to follow for treatment and I was focused on that walking forward.  However, the Lord decided to give me something new and now it’s a battle in my mind and what to do going forward.

We have been blessed with a wonderful neighbor who works at UAMS in the brain tumor area – sorry I know there’s correct titles and specific jobs, but I don’t remember!  Anyway, Scott and I have been given the opportunity to go today to visit with a doctor who specializes in removing tumors prior to treatment.  He feels like my tumors could be removed and then with a clean brain cavity we attack the remaining cells through radiation and chemo.  The whole idea of this has really tripped me up and now I’m really praying through which direction the Lord desires for us to follow.  I have to admit it’s a lot to allow someone access close to my brain and work in there when something could get cut or something could happen while they are in there.  There’s the second part of this which is that the second surgery they would have me awake while they remove things.  I’ve never been a doctor person or surgery person so it’s all new to me.  So I am battling the fear, the unknown and the correct path to follow.

I am really asking for serious prayer for me today.  Here is where I need you to focus:

• No FEAR – that I may completely trust the Lord in the decision that is best for us
• Clear DIRECTION – Scott and I are praying that we will have peace to know which direction we follow – it’s an either or
• Confident DECISION – I’m not a confident decision maker and I love to get other people’s input.  I know in the end the final decision on what we choose will rest on my shoulders and that is hard for me to accept.
• Total HEALING – praying that God uses whichever direction to completely heal me.  I haven’t focused on this much, but I know that God desires for us to ask what is on our hearts so I am asking for this

The devil desires to pick me off and to not allow the story of Christ to penetrate the hearts of those the Lord is drawing close.  But we have been given a battle plan.  I was reading through 1 Peter 5:8-11 and these Truths were necessary for me today and I pray they speak to your heart as well:

8 – Be ALERT and of SOBER MIND.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

• We must understand that we are in a battle.  When we sit back and relax we allow ourselves to be an easy target and our faith and growth will be affected.  We must call out these attacks and stand behind Jesus so we come forth victorious.

9- RESIST him, standing FIRM in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

• Hard times are rarely things we rejoice over.  However, in my life I have seen the Lord grow me and use the hardest times to make my faith stronger and who he is more real then the easy times.
• We are never walking this journey alone.  I have been so blessed by so many of you as you share your stories of your own lives and it has encouraged me to press forward and continue to keep my eyes fixed forward on the Lord.  The Lord never wastes are suffering.  Thank you for encouraging me and lifting me up as you share your own battles.

10- And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will HIMSELF RESTORE YOU and make you STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST.

• I am clinging to this promise and truth.  God HIMSELF will restore me and he will use this to make me strong, my faith firm and steadfast.  He promises to never waste our difficulties.  I don’t know what my restoration will look like – but I do know in the end I will be restored completely in his glory to worship him forever.

11-TO HIM BE THE POWER  for every and ever. Amen.

• God has all the power to heal me….today….next week or when he chooses.  I am asking him to do that.  I don’t know if his desire is to use this new opportunity that has been given to me or that he desires to use what we had planned before.  But I believe that he has the power to do it.

Please pray through these verses with me the next couple of days. We will have many decisions to make and I want to be faithful to follow the Lord’s path for us.  I don’t want to get pulled into the battle and I don’t want to allow the devil to have one moment of my life to distract me or pull me away from what the Lord desires to do through me.

Thank you friends for holding up my arms in this battle, like Joshua and Hur did for Moses in Exodus 17-I cannot walk and succeed in this battle alone – I need arm holders to defeat this! 

“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him.  I have put my hope in his word.”  Psalm 130:5

As I sit to write this, let me just say I have been blessed.  I am blessed by so many visits, messages and scriptures that you all have been sending me.  You are keeping me focused on what is True and what is important so that I can battle and stand securely where the Lord has placed me.

Today is Sunday.  I had been asked by our pastor if I would be willing to come and be prayed over at church.  I am a firm believer in prayer and I knew that if the opportunity was presented I would never hesitate.  I believe God can move and I also believe that our faith grows as we choose to ask God to do the miraculous.  It was an opportunity to share with our church family where we are and for each of us to be able to say, “Lord we trust you to move because your Word clearly tells us you will when we come to you.”  I have to admit I have been just at peace with this whole situation that I wasn’t expecting to cry or to be broken… but I was wrong.

Today at church we were finishing the book of Colossians.  We read Colossians 4:2-5 and the Lord spoke to me clearly and rocked me out of where I was when I walked into church this morning.  He desired me to really know his heart for me and to step forward obediently and I didn’t see it coming until I was knee deep in his word.

So here’s what he spoke over me today:

Colossians 4:2-5

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ”

• Devote – be steadfast, don’t give up in prayer – be persistent when you talk to the Lord.  When we pray we will are in a battle.  A very real battle.  When we pray in thanksgiving we are reminded what God has already done in our lives and that we can indeed trust him

“And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.  Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.”

• When I read these verses I wept.  I know that God has given me an open door to proclaim who he is.  Here Paul is in chains and on the road to death, and his only concern was for others to hear the gospel and to be saved.  He wasn’t concerned with his own self or what the end result may be.  That’s real living faith.  Pray that I see this picture of the door the Lord has given me and to walk through it in all confidence knowing he will use it to demonstrate who he is.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

• The Lord has given me this opportunity and I want to be faithful to how he desires for me to use every moment.  I want to be full of grace (giving people what they don’t deserve), seasoned with salt (living out the Truth of the gospel so they may desire it for themselves) and with wisdom to know how to love those around me who are hurting and need a touch from Jesus.

For God’s perfect wisdom he has decided to use this platform, this door, to proclaim his truth.  I don’t know why chose to use me.  This wasn’t my plan.  I cried in church just wondering what the Lord saw in me that would accomplish his will in this way.  He didn’t tell me, but he’s asking me to trust him and walk forward through the door he has opened.

I don’t know what the Lord is going to do specifically in and through this, but I am focused on his heart and I’ve seen him show up too much in my life that I know he won’t waste this. I pray for you too.  We all are given a door and so often we shut the door, discount it’s importance or we walk away.  Today, ask Him to show you your door and then that he will fill you with the courage to walk through it.

I am praying through some of these truths right now….

Thank you for the continued prayers.  I had planned to finish this yesterday and the Lord desired for me to rest a bit instead so I’m just finishing this up now.  Thank you all.