Author: Nicole Inman

The Battle

Today is Tuesday and honestly Sunday and Monday were sort of a blur for me.  I had been blessed to be prayed over Sunday at church and through Scott’s cousin who drove down from Kansas to lay hands on me.  I believe that the Lord may have used his power, spoken through his people to heal me, but I don’t know that at this moment so I have been living in a very real battle.

I have really been at peace with this whole situation and I cannot explain how that’s possible, except that God has given that peace to me.  A clear path had been given to me to follow for treatment and I was focused on that walking forward.  However, the Lord decided to give me something new and now it’s a battle in my mind and what to do going forward.

We have been blessed with a wonderful neighbor who works at UAMS in the brain tumor area – sorry I know there’s correct titles and specific jobs, but I don’t remember!  Anyway, Scott and I have been given the opportunity to go today to visit with a doctor who specializes in removing tumors prior to treatment.  He feels like my tumors could be removed and then with a clean brain cavity we attack the remaining cells through radiation and chemo.  The whole idea of this has really tripped me up and now I’m really praying through which direction the Lord desires for us to follow.  I have to admit it’s a lot to allow someone access close to my brain and work in there when something could get cut or something could happen while they are in there.  There’s the second part of this which is that the second surgery they would have me awake while they remove things.  I’ve never been a doctor person or surgery person so it’s all new to me.  So I am battling the fear, the unknown and the correct path to follow.

I am really asking for serious prayer for me today.  Here is where I need you to focus:

  • No FEAR – that I may completely trust the Lord in the decision that is best for us
  • Clear DIRECTION – Scott and I are praying that we will have peace to know which direction we follow – it’s an either or
  • Confident DECISION – I’m not a confident decision maker and I love to get other people’s input.  I know in the end the final decision on what we choose will rest on my shoulders and that is hard for me to accept.
  • Total HEALING – praying that God uses whichever direction to completely heal me.  I haven’t focused on this much, but I know that God desires for us to ask what is on our hearts so I am asking for this

 

The devil desires to pick me off and to not allow the story of Christ to penetrate the hearts of those the Lord is drawing close.  But we have been given a battle plan.  I was reading through 1 Peter 5:8-11 and these Truths were necessary for me today and I pray they speak to your heart as well:

8 – Be ALERT and of SOBER MIND.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

  • We must understand that we are in a battle.  When we sit back and relax we allow ourselves to be an easy target and our faith and growth will be affected.  We must call out these attacks and stand behind Jesus so we come forth victorious.

9- RESIST him, standing FIRM in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

  • Hard times are rarely things we rejoice over.  However, in my life I have seen the Lord grow me and use the hardest times to make my faith stronger and who he is more real then the easy times.
  • We are never walking this journey alone.  I have been so blessed by so many of you as you share your stories of your own lives and it has encouraged me to press forward and continue to keep my eyes fixed forward on the Lord.  The Lord never wastes are suffering.  Thank you for encouraging me and lifting me up as you share your own battles.

10- And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will HIMSELF RESTORE YOU and make you STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST.

  • I am clinging to this promise and truth.  God HIMSELF will restore me and he will use this to make me strong, my faith firm and steadfast.  He promises to never waste our difficulties.  I don’t know what my restoration will look like – but I do know in the end I will be restored completely in his glory to worship him forever.

11-TO HIM BE THE POWER  for every and ever. Amen.

  • God has all the power to heal me….today….next week or when he chooses.  I am asking him to do that.  I don’t know if his desire is to use this new opportunity that has been given to me or that he desires to use what we had planned before.  But I believe that he has the power to do it.

Please pray through these verses with me the next couple of days. We will have many decisions to make and I want to be faithful to follow the Lord’s path for us.  I don’t want to get pulled into the battle and I don’t want to allow the devil to have one moment of my life to distract me or pull me away from what the Lord desires to do through me.

Thank you friends for holding up my arms in this battle, like Joshua and Hur did for Moses in Exodus 17-I cannot walk and succeed in this battle alone – I need arm holders to defeat this! 13-2-15-israel_s-first-enemy

“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him.  I have put my hope in his word.”  Psalm 130:5

The Open Door

As I sit to write this, let me just say I have been blessed.  I am blessed by so many visits, messages and scriptures that you all have been sending me.  You are keeping me focused on what is True and what is important so that I can battle and stand securely where the Lord has placed me.

Today is Sunday.  I had been asked by our pastor if I would be willing to come and be prayed over at church.  I am a firm believer in prayer and I knew that if the opportunity was presented I would never hesitate.  I believe God can move and I also believe that our faith grows as we choose to ask God to do the miraculous.  It was an opportunity to share with our church family where we are and for each of us to be able to say, “Lord we trust you to move because your Word clearly tells us you will when we come to you.”  I have to admit I have been just at peace with this whole situation that I wasn’t expecting to cry or to be broken… but I was wrong.

Today at church we were finishing the book of Colossians.  We read Colossians 4:2-5 and the Lord spoke to me clearly and rocked me out of where I was when I walked into church this morning.  He desired me to really know his heart for me and to step forward obediently and I didn’t see it coming until I was knee deep in his word.

So here’s what he spoke over me today:

Colossians 4:2-5

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. ”

  • Devote – be steadfast, don’t give up in prayer – be persistent when you talk to the Lord.  When we pray we will are in a battle.  A very real battle.  When we pray in thanksgiving we are reminded what God has already done in our lives and that we can indeed trust him

“And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.  Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.”

  • When I read these verses I wept.  I know that God has given me an open door to proclaim who he is.  Here Paul is in chains and on the road to death, and his only concern was for others to hear the gospel and to be saved.  He wasn’t concerned with his own self or what the end result may be.  That’s real living faith.  Pray that I see this picture of the door the Lord has given me and to walk through it in all confidence knowing he will use it to demonstrate who he is.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

  • The Lord has given me this opportunity and I want to be faithful to how he desires for me to use every moment.  I want to be full of grace (giving people what they don’t deserve), seasoned with salt (living out the Truth of the gospel so they may desire it for themselves) and with wisdom to know how to love those around me who are hurting and need a touch from Jesus.

For God’s perfect wisdom he has decided to use this platform, this door, to proclaim his truth.  I don’t know why chose to use me.  This wasn’t my plan.  I cried in church just wondering what the Lord saw in me that would accomplish his will in this way.  He didn’t tell me, but he’s asking me to trust him and walk forward through the door he has opened.

I don’t know what the Lord is going to do specifically in and through this, but I am focused on his heart and I’ve seen him show up too much in my life that I know he won’t waste this. I pray for you too.  We all are given a door and so often we shut the door, discount it’s importance or we walk away.  Today, ask Him to show you your door and then that he will fill you with the courage to walk through it.

I am praying through some of these truths right now….

He will allow me to COMFORT OTHERS
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 
He will restore me and get ALL THE GLORY
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10
He will grow me and I WILL KNOW HIM DEEPER THAN I WOULD HAVE
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5:3-4
Thank you for the continued prayers.  I had planned to finish this yesterday and the Lord desired for me to rest a bit instead so I’m just finishing this up now.  Thank you all.

brown wooden door near concrete stairs with light
Photo by Mariano Ruffa on Pexels.com

 

The Mask

“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” 

Psalm 94:19

As I am sitting here getting to write this, it occurs to me that this is the first Saturday in over a month at least that I have nothing on my schedule.  The steroids have me busy working and cleaning but, I have no where to be.  May was filled with the end of the soccer season and state tourneys and getting ready to try and pull out the state high school championship.  The last two weeks ends were filled with hospital stays and getting the diagnosis that we are now faced with.  So I’m sitting here thinking about the fact that it’s Saturday and I have no where to be and no schedule.  Very different for me.

This past week has been filled with dr appointments and working through the diagnosis and new reality that we will face moving forward.  Some days I wonder if it’s really hit me or has God really just given me the peace I need to not have one ounce of worry at all.  While I am at peace, I have to be honest getting the mask fitting yesterday wasn’t as easy as I had hoped and prayed it would be.

It reminded me of the movie “Man in the Iron Mask” where one of the twin brothers was forced to live with a metal mask on his face as punishment from his brother.  The moment the mask was removed – you could see freedom and rest he hadn’t experienced before.  This image came to my mind as I lay on the table getting my own mask fitted yesterday.

For my radiation treatment I will go for 6 weeks everyday to basically lay on a machine and get specific passes of radiation for a small time frame.  I don’t know exactly how many minutes it will take, but I have been ok with the idea of it and accepted it as what I need to do.  Well, yesterday I went in to get my mask fitted for the table.  Some of you will know what I’m talking about and some of you may have had your own mask fitting at some point – goodness if this is you, so many prayers and new understanding.  It was new to me.

I walked into the room and they told me I needed to take out all my jewelry and I needed to take my braid and cute little scarf off my hair and then lay on the table.  They needed to band my legs together I guess so I didn’t move and then the tech began working on the foam pillow my head was on so it was formed however it was supposed to be.  He showed me the flat screen that they would warm for 5 minutes to put over my head and he finished what he needed to do.  He brought the flat mask over to attach to my head and then we realized my hair would get stuck to the mask, so we really need a shower cap on first to save my hair, lol.  So we did that and then had to wait another 5 minutes for the new mask to warm up.

As he brought the mask over, I really was relaxed just focused and spending time talking to the Lord in my mind.  He pulled the flat plastic (which would open for holes once stretched), and worked to attach it to the table.  I had been warned I couldn’t move at all and he worked to create little pockets of air for my nose and encouraged me to open my mouth a bit so I could breath through my mouth as well.

Did I enjoy this process?  No.  Was I ok?  Yes.  Did I stay ok, probably not – but, thankfully the beeping and movement didn’t last any longer so the heat sweats and racing heart didn’t cause me to scream or start over.  I don’t tell you all of this to make you feel bad for me or freak you out, but for you to understand what getting a mask is like and a way for you to pray for me going forward.  I will be strapped under this mask everyday and I can’t move while I’m there.  I’m praying the Lord gives me focus and clarity for those moments so that I can sing in my mind or review Bible passages and not allow my heart to race too fast and affect my breathing.  No wonder I never wanted to be an astronaut!

As I thought about this I was reminded that Jesus made the decision to do what no one else would’ve chosen to do, to march to the cross and die for each of us.  He knew what it would entail and yet he depended on his father in order to fulfill his calling.  The night he was arrested Jesus was in anguish and you can see the depth of the stress of what he would endure in this passage from Luke 21:

39 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him.40 On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” 41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.[a]

While Jesus loves us, he knew the journey he was going to have to go down and being fully human he knew it would hurt, he knew he would be separated from the Father and knew the cost of choosing to walk that road.  As I read this and know the journey that is in front of me I can learn a lot by following Jesus’ example:

  1.  I must be completely reliant and focused on prayer
  2. I must never look and focus on my own desire – I must be submitted to and committed to what the Lord desire to do in and through me
  3. I must be honest with the Lord on my struggles and be vulnerable so he can fill me and lead me
  4. The Lord will send me who/what I need so that I can walk this journey and remain faithful
  5. Jesus’ physical body showed signs of the stress of what was going on inside of him and what would take place – I myself must expect moments of difficulty – mentally and physically going forward

These are ways you can pray for me as I begin this journey.  My hearts desire is to follow Jesus’ example and to be faithful no matter what is going on,  that the Lord gets the glory through every circumstance, no matter how unpleasant it may be for me.

Here’s where I am so thankful and really have found myself just weeping over so many times.  While Jesus struggled, he had asked his disciples to pray and to stay alert for him.  Of course they didn’t understand the magnitude of what was about to happen, but Jesus spend these moments of anguish alone.

45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

A couple of things stick out to me here:
1. Jesus endured this anguish alone
2. He gave them direction going forward because he knew that they were about to endure something they were not prepared for in their own flesh
3.  He knew they would endure temptations and these circumstances would change their faith in a positive, deeper way or would it pull them away from what Jesus was leading them to …. he wanted them to grow and not fall

I pray so hard that I will not fall into temptation to doubt and that through this process my faith will grow deeper and I will see the face of Jesus like I never have before.  I am so thankful….so thankful…. so thankful for the messages, Bible passages and everything else from everyone.  Unlike Jesus, I have been surrounded by people who are not asleep.  They are warriors battling for me and keeping me focused and going.  I could not be faithful or fight without you.  I need you and I am so thankful for your faithfulness and support.  We are going to have an amazing story to tell through this!

 

Here’s a picture of my maskIMG_8784

 

Walk in it

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

So I’ve had a few days to begin to see doctors and to begin to live this life battling cancer and it’s affects.  My life has been one of ease really.  No doctor appointments and no struggles.  A few years ago I started swelling up from ibuprofen and so I had to quit taking that.  I’ve never struggled with my health and I have honestly probably taken it for granted.  Who has time to deal with health issues anyway?  It’s amazing how much can change in just a couple weeks.

One of the blessings of this cancer right now is the steroid they have given me.  So, I’ve always been a pretty busy person getting stuff done and moving…now that’s been kicked up a bit.  I’m constantly looking for things to do and keeping busy, doing something.  I’m hoping before they take me off of it I’ve gone through every corner of my house!  I need to!  So much to do and I guess the blessing right now is that I have the time to get some stuff done.

One of the things I’ve never liked doing is going to the doctor.  Never had a reason to go really and I’ve been very thankful that it hasn’t been needed.  The last couple days my days have been focused on doctor appointments and beginning the process of setting up my treatment.  It’s hard to sit and listen to the doctor talk to you about how you have cancer and what will need to happen to help you fight this thing.  It doesn’t matter that they are pulling staples out of your head and you are obviously the one they are talking about, when in reality you don’t feel like it could be you.  I look at the other people in the waiting room and my heart breaks for them because they are sick…and then you remember that you are technically sick too.  Honestly, I just want to get the blood drawn get done and get to living – coaching again.  Who has time for this?

Here’s the deal.  I firmly believe this.  The Lord has brought me to this point for a reason.  The more I have poured over scripture, he keeps speaking to me and asking me to trust him.  No matter what the doctors tell me or the treatment plan or whatever, the Lord is saying, “do you trust me?”  I always thought I did.  But my faith hasn’t been tested or put out there like it is now.  He is asking me to follow him and to walk in the way he is leading me.  Does that mean it’s all been easy?  No.  Does that mean I would want to go back to my life I was living 2 weeks ago, yes.  But, he knows me better than I know myself and He has designed an opportunity for me to know him in a greater way and to really determine if my faith is genuine.

My faith is tested when I hear the doctors talking about my treatment.  My faith is tested when the scans really do show what people tell me they show.  My faith is tested when my head is sore from the incision.  My faith is tested when I look at my family and I have to think, will I see them here in 10 years.  But, the Lord has given me his peace.   He desires for me to keep my eyes fixed on him and his Truth and to live each day to love others and point them to the cross.  I can’t explain how he has done this in my life, but he has.  I choose Jesus above all else and trust that He will lead me where he desires to use me.  Today I choose to walk where he calls me and to rely completely on him for every moment of every day.

Please continue to pray for me to have opportunities to encourage and share my story with others.  I would like this cancer to not only change me, but to change anyone who will take the time to allow Jesus to speak to them through me.

 

It’s Sunday – Pressing forward

Sunday is always such a relief for me.  It’s the beginning of the week, but it is there to help me focus my week on what’s important and to really spend time with my creator.  Today was tough.  He knows that.  I wanted to just crawl in his lap and allow him to comfort me and hold me.  He allowed me that opportunity but, then spoke his sweetness into my soul.  To comfort and encourage me to press on EVEN in what I’m facing now.  He isn’t surprised by my circumstances, he has allowed them and desires to teach me and guide me through them.

Even though all of this is pretty new, I can already see him working in my life.  He has reminded me of the journey he has already taken me on and how he has showed up and worked to grow me closer to him and to show me where I needed to allow him to mold me and use me.

I’m not going to pretend to know why or how this is all going to go.  Because I don’t know.  But, I know the one who does know.  That brings me comfort and focus for the unknown that is coming a head for me.  I know God loves me.  I know He desires to grow me.  I know he is going to use my life and experiences to bring others to himself.  And I am humbled by all of that.

I have been recently thinking about an experience I had as teenager and don’t know why the Lord has brought it to my mind, but I know things don’t just happen.  When I was 16, I was helping coach a soccer team.  I was on my way to a tourney with a teammate/co-coach when we were hit and involved in a serious car wreck.  The Lord graciously moved the car to keep her and myself from the brunt of the hit, but one of my little player’s dad was driving the car and he was hit.  It ended up being one of those scenes in the movies with the jaws of life and helicopters.  It was a moment for me that changed my life.  I was a happy teenager with things going great and here I was covered in glass and blood in a car waiting to be rescued.  As a teenager obviously my looks meant a lot to me and it was hard for me to be cut up and wondering how things were going to be years down the road.  I worried about my collegiate career and finding a guy who would love my scarred faced.

As I look back at what the Lord did through that situation, I can see the Lord working all through it.  But, I failed.  Sometime after I went through the situation, one of my friends was also in a car wreck, slashed her face up and went through some of the same things I had gone through.  I wasn’t mature enough at the time to understand the opportunity the Lord had given me to minister to someone else.  To take the focus off of myself and to use my battle to encourage someone else.  This has stuck with me and I have gone back to it many times.  I vowed I would never waste a moment that the Lord gave me and I would trust that my difficulties had purpose and He would use them for my good, his glory and for others.

I don’t know where this journey is taking me in the end.  But, I know the one who walks beside me.  He hasn’t changed or become less than what he was a week ago.  He has called me to come deep and to trust him and through my life I’ve learned he’s the only one I can truly trust no matter what I see.

I sat in church today and I wept.  I wept because I know that the Lord of the universe has decided to use my life for something greater than I expected.  I wept because he has a plan and someday I’ll know the why.   I wept because I am surrounded by such amazing family and friends who love me and sacrifice so much to serve me.  Cancer stinks and it’s not God’s design.  But, he can use the worst of things to do the best of things.  I raise my hand to say, “Lord here I am and if going through this brings me closer to you and if going through this draws others to you, then I surrender and together we are going to move mountains!”  It’s Sunday and God is on his throne, working in my life and I don’t know why he chose me at this moment for this situation, but someday I will know and I will be thankful for what the Lord has done.

“There is one thing I always do.  Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me.”  Philippians 3:13-14

Prayer Requests:

  • My strength and heart to be focused on the Lord NO MATTER WHAT
  • Right questions and direction when we meet with doctors
  • To minister to my kids, the teens on my teams and other teens who struggle with the why in all of this
  • For Scott and I to just grow closer and closer together through this

The Journey Begins The Lord is my light and my salvation – there is no need to fear.

cropped-1a6a9072.jpg

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him” Psalm 28:7

post

I’ve written a few things here and some how the words have disappeared.  So I’m going to keep this short so I know whether this is working.  I’ve decided to start a blog to just keep me focused on what I need to focus on during this time and to share with others my heart.  If no one else reads this, it’s ok.  Lord, use my experience to make me more like you and to encourage others to seek you and serve you every day we are blessed to live here.  I’ve been given the cancer diagnosis and I am going to be in a battle for as long as the Lord desires.  I trust in a Savior that changes people and he has done things to make me weep.  He knows I need him more than ever and I am going to fall deeper and deeper in love with him in each moment and during this battle.

I plan to use this to encourage others and to share my heart.  Hopefully I figured out how to publish this, so if this works I’ll write more tomorrow.

Thanksgiving and Praise

It’s been a while since I was able to write. I apologize for this. I am very crazy in my head and never seem to have a moment to collect my thoughts together! I have been blessed by so many of you who continue to pray for me and are so diligent to ask me about doctor appointments and everything else, thank you! I was blessed to get this bracelet from a sweet family, who’s son plays football at our school. Thank you Ginger for the bracelet. I love it!

It’s been a crazy couple of months with so many things going on for us. The fall has always been busy with Razorback games and high schools seem to be busier in the fall as they get going!

We were blessed to serve with our church for a mission day. One of the things I needed this year here at the high school, was our fieldhouse to be cleaned up. I was very thankful to have so many people who came up and cleaned up many areas of the high school and dedicate lots of lifting in the girl’s fieldhouse area. Appreciated the time we got to spend together and the service to the Lord through the church.

One of my favorite things this fall, has been Garrett being SO Sweet to us, (maybe mostly to me) by driving home and surprising me on some weekends. He doesn’t always say he’s coming and goodness, it’s been such a treat. One of my favorite memories was him surprising Nathan at his birthday party and him surprising us, coming home so we could celebrate his bday with him. He came a different weekend and we got to eat pizza together and spend a little time together on his short little break. He’s still focused on majoring in Film and Creative Writing.

One of the big things for the girls is …….EVERYTHING! They love doing a bunch and sharing and making memories with friends. Whether they are from Bryant or live in a different town, they like to see people and socialize. One thing I will ALWAYS be blessed by, is their desire and willingness to share life with their family. They aren’t afraid to tell us what they think or how they are struggling. I am very thankful for that. This fall they have started really looking at schools and will hopefully have a better idea on what they want to do and where they want to go to school soon.

Ashton is to the right 4th person down behind the group of girls ha! Love these kids!
The Girls have loved all the football games, watching their friends, and hanging out with their friends. Boys have done well and will go for the State Title again!

They enjoyed homecoming this year. I laughed because both the girls were asked by “Ethan’s.” The guys came together to our house to ask them. I missed it, but enjoyed hearing the story on how the boys asked. The girls spent homecoming with all of their friends and made a bunch of memories they won’t forget. I enjoyed taking photos, ha!

It’s been a fun fall for Abbey and Ashton just around school too. We’ve been able to make memories together more mother/daughter, and I am thankful for that. They enjoy all of their friends, as you see above, but, I love their many hugs and our talks and spending time together. The Lord has really given them hearts for kindness and love. Thankful.

Ok THIS was so cute and I had to share this in case you didn’t see this from when the girls were little and then today. Choosing the same colors for their costumes many years later! HA. The girls had a party to go to and went out and bought these little body suites. Then Abbey and Ashton were nice to dress up with me to surprise Scott with some costumes. We hid around the corner in the hallway and jumped out at him. We kind of look like catwomen, right? The girls like to take pics with their friends and I loved this one of them on the road!

The girls and I were able to take a trip to St. Louis for a soccer tourney. I was a little apprehensive and so was Scott because of my ONLY seizure. But, I haven’t been told not to drive, so I did and I do. The girls enjoyed the games and playing with their team. We were able to see a few of my college roommates which was a bunch of fun. Thankful they made the drive to meet me for some after game dinner. It’s always fun sharing memories and just laughing! Thanks ladies!

Another fun little surprise, was the little visits by some of my former players. It is always great to see individuals you knew years ago or months ago, and see how they have grown and changed. I love seeing my former players and just laughing and hearing about what they are up to and how life has changed. Very thankful that these three decided to continue on athletics in college. It’s a short time! The Team loved having them there and them joining us for a small bit of fun!

I was very thankful that our church did a fall carnival at church. Nathan and I went there and played games, decorated cookies and hung out together. He is growing up so much. I love to have the time to share with him and to get to know him more and more. He continues to love piano, like you saw above! One of his favorite things is to see Garrett when he comes home. He was super excited and thankful to see Garrett walk in for his birthday party. Made his party a 10!

Scott and I were blessed to attend a fundraiser banquet to raise money for children who are living without parents or family and living where this ministry provides. Scott was the host and we were able to meet so many great people who work hard to help bring these kids to loving families and to serve the state. Scott always does such a great job in front of large crowds and he is blessed to serve others.

We still have our big little puppy – Samson. He is a mess! Very good puppy – just doesn’t know how big he is! He likes to sit in the widow and watches us live – whenever we are home. That window needs to be cleaned twice a day, he breathes on the window – this is how bad it gets! We’ve been able to bring him to a dog park and he’s a good dog with other dogs. He makes us smile and laugh a lot.

We are still so blessed to be able to see Scott’s Parents almost every week. We are so busy in the fall that it makes it hard for us to get caught up or be caught up. With Razorback football done, Scott will be home more. We are thankful for that. Great memories for us!

I would like to really thank you all so much for all of the prayers that you have given for me. The Lord has been so good to me and I am blessed. I went for my MRI and it felt pretty short – thankful! I was able to pray for many of you and I am thankful for that. The Lord has given me the opportunity to meet new people every time and it’s always amazing how we can connect our lives together by something!

Everything looked the same in my scans so that’s good. I would ask you all to pray for my memory. I know that my tumor is on it, so the short term stuff doesn’t always come through and stay. I also know that as WE age, our memory isn’t as good! I depend on the Lord, and I would like to really build relationships with others and REMEMBER more than I remember now. My classes have been pretty good, but I do have a few students that need lots of prayer and help while in there. My focus is off and it’s harder for me to multitask….I used to love that and do well with it! But – I just ask the Lord and choose to not let that bring me down.

I was very fortunate the other day to go and speak at a private school here in Little Rock. They gave me a chance to speak in their monthly morning Christian Youth time. I was blessed to be there. When I was praying about what to share with these students, I was more focused on some different Bible passages, but the Lord said, “Tell them your story.” I have to say, I hadn’t done that recently, in front of a bunch of people. Standing up and sharing my whole life in front of a bunch of people I don’t know and who don’t know me. I love standing up and teaching the Word, but just telling my story is different than using parts of it to illustrate a passage. I always pray that no matter what I say, the Lord is at the center of it.

It’s been harder to remember things, I would love for the Lord to give me my memory so I could speak and remember what is coming next better…. but I know I must Trust Him completely, to respond and to use me. I was blessed to be able to share my story with them and to allow the Lord to use my life story to hopefully impact a life. Thank you LG and PA!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement. God has been so good to me! I will go back for my next MRI in February. Continue to pray for my memory and lots of ENERGY! I am about to start coaching for high school everyday. My desire is to help these players the best I can!

The Hand of God


“I keep my eyes always on the Lord. with Him at MY right hand, I will not be shaken…. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at YOUR right hand.” Psalm 16:8, 11

Driving home after a soccer practice looking over the river, the sun had set yet, God pushed the rays together to create a ball of light that looked like a hand. with fingers. This picture doesn’t do it justice. It was amazing..

Hard to believe school has started and we are seriously almost over the first 9 weeks. How fast time goes. I didn’t feel super prepared this year as my brain was in wacko mode and unable to really focus well this summer. BUT….God. I am so thankful.

So, how did we end the summer and start the school year?

One of our biggest highlights and biggest blessings for me this summer, was seeing my extended family for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. It was so nice to just talk to them and share time with their kids.

Hopefully you can click on these photos and look at these amazing people. My parents were blessed to have people fly in from all over the country to celebrate their year’s together. We enjoyed time with each other in Branson, MO. I wish I was able to see them more then I get to. My dad’s 4 brothers had 14 children and those 14 have had 33 so far. So it’s so much fun to get together! I was very blessed to have been anointed with oil from Israel (please tell me I’m remembering this right!) by my cousin Paul. Well, technically he’s my dad’s cousin, but that’s how my dad’s family functions. We are just ONE BIG group. It’s great!

Being prayed over at the pool by all my family.

Spent the rest of the summer getting ready for school. Did I mention that Scott and I celebrated our 20th anniversary? When you type that and say it sounds like a long time! But, it’s gone really fast and I have been blessed to be loved by him.

Bryant High School honored us for winning state at the beginning of the year. They had us come to the school board meeting to get certificates and the girl’s got their State Championship Rings. It was very special and the girls soaked it up. Wished we could’ve had more of the seniors from last year, but they’ve all left for college.

Along with my new ring, I got a sweet bracelet from the Pass on Joy ladies. They are such a blessing to so many as they send encouragement out and desire to share the Love of Christ with people all over the country who are battling cancer. Misti Coker is an amazing woman who has ministered to so many in and through this organization. Check it out on line or facebook.

One of the hardest and craziest things we had to do was drop Garrett off for college, gulp. Scott was gone at Razorback game so Scott’s mom, Ann, was gracious enough to drive up there with me and Nathan to get him moved in. He’s getting involved in some different ministries and checking out churches up in Conway. I am glad he’s focused on school, but I am surprised when he seems to be in his room by 7:00pm almost everyday. He’s working on keeping high grades., so can’t complain. I love to facetime him and just see him smile and see his (I’m taking a break from working at Chick-fil-a) beard! Love that kid, and I miss him.

Nathan cried and cried when we left. He misses his brother.

The girls started a new club team this fall. Not going to lie, it’s a little different now. I drop kids off and then sit there and think that I should be coaching the club team! Ha ha! But, it’s good for the girls to see what being coached by other people is like and gives me more time right now in the offseason. I do miss these girls. They are working with new players and learning new positions, but they are enjoying their team. And that’s what’s important. They’ve won a couple tourneys and enjoy driving to training sometimes.

My friend Nikki Funk and I explore sometimes and finally got to see the windmill that was in the movie Gone With the Wind when we dropped girls off to train one day. Coaching sure takes up some time!

We got to celebrate Nathan’s 10th bday! Wowser. That makes me sad. My little guy isn’t so little anymore. In two years he will start to look like a young man, not a boy and that makes me think, wow. Kid’s grow fast and it’s crazy. He’s loving tennis and piano still. Very glad about that. He loves music and loves to sing with me or wants me to play piano with him. One thing that I am thankful for, my memory and mind haven’t been very focused and there has been so many things I’ve struggled with but, I am finally being able to speak better spanish and read music to play piano. Very thankful to have these moments and reminded that we don’t recognize or understand the gifts we’ve been given, we just like to complain about what we don’t have that we would want. There are so many great little things that if you didn’t have it, would be hard.

So I’m back at the high school teaching and coaching. I’ve had the opportunity to share with my students about my life, my battle and God’s hand in my life. I am thankful to be able to know that He isn’t wasting a moment He desires for His people to share and live His Truth. That is my prayer everyday. That I may be used by Him to love these students and that they may see His light and share in His fellowship as He lives in and through me. The Lord has given me too much and I am so thankful to finally understand a small part of it.

I want to thank you all for the continued prayers. I know that your intercession has been an amazing weapon and gift. Today I went in for my MRI and I am blessed. Nothing has changed – well I’ve decided the MRI machine needs a new back support and place for my head, ha! There’s nothing new happening in my brain with the tumors. I do try and be creative and think sometimes 🙂 I am thankful but, I know that God has me and this. The doctors and I may not know what we “need” to know, BUT HE DOES. I was asked to remember three items today and she said she would ask me later what she said….drumroll….. I remembered.

Listen, I forget a lot of stuff so, I am blessed to even remember that she asked me this today, and I know the Lord is removing the clouds and pushing the sun right through. NO DARKNESS can EVER hide the light of Christ. When I look back and remember that picture of the sun that was set and the bright rays billowing up and out on top of the river and into the sky, I think about my life and I know that NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE for the Hand of God. His hand was there reminding me to rest in Him and I have my right hand reached out to hold His.

Continue to pray for energy, healing, God’s hand in my life to meet the needs of those around me, for Him to continue to use this road to bring more people to Him. He is my strength and shield and holds my right hand.

This is Nanny, Scott’s Grandma. This woman is 97 and loves Jesus so much. She fell and was able to drag herself to the phone in the middle of the night to call an ambulance. Bless her, she broke her arm and hip. Please pray for her. She’s in therapy right now.

AR State Champions-Lady Hornets

Winning the State Championship is every players first goal no matter the age or where you live. The girls worked hard this year and are now able to say, “I am a State Champion.”

Last year as the season came to an end I was very proud of the girls and how hard they worked individually and as a group to become a team. So often “teams” will depend on ONE player to do everything and THE TEAM is centered around one player. If they play well, there’s a chance for the group to experience a win, if they are off, well many players are deflated. That’s never been how I would like to play nor how I would like to coach in the future. Yes teams usually have their one player who gets the attacking award, like Alyssa Fason did in the tourney, she was our attacker. But, a good player knows that she needs someone to feed her balls and a defense to stop the other team from continually advancing. It’s a TEAM effort.

As I said in earlier blogs, May has been crazy. Part of the reason for that has been because of the end of the soccer season. My seniors are preparing for graduation, they don’t have to go to as many classes and finish earlier. They were excited about that. But, I can imagine that it’s hard to continue to train hard and prepare for the tourney when you aren’t studying or in classes anymore.

I was very thankful for these ladies. They didn’t dwindle away or come late to train, they were ready and focused to win a title. These seven ladies above, usually worked hard in training, asked questions and desired to understand what I was trying to do. They were troopers to listen and then encourage the other players to follow through. I will miss these ladies. They have to be one of the most talented classes to graduate here in Arkansas ever.

The way the State tourney is played here, there isn’t a sectional tourney first. So many teams will go on to the State tourney depending on their record after their games are played. We had done well, but had lost twice to Conway during the season, so we were seated second in the tourney for our conference. Here in Arkansas, the teams in North West Arkansas are usually able to have some pretty good talent in all their sports. In soccer they are closer to Oklahoma and Missouri, so. some players choose to play club in these states. The talent pool in these states can be more consistent sometimes. They always have some good players and coaches that are experienced in coaching soccer. Makes it harder for the rest of the state but, they are beatable.

The last two weeks of training are more focused on getting girls to loosen up and BELIEVE that they can do what we have been working on. We were fortunate to be able to do some training on some grass since we have been playing on turf all year.

It was great to be able to see the difference of speed of ball and size of a college field. They are usually wider and that width makes a huge difference in fitness and what you want to do as a coach.

I remember this picture of MC(one of our captains/seniors) as we headed back from our last practice before heading to state tourney game. It had been a lot to work for the past 14 years or so and after state tourney games, that would be all most of our seniors would play….at this level, ever. It’s a lot to ponder about and realize these moments occur many times in life.

One of the things the girls enjoy most about soccer tourney is the staying in hotels and Nikki Funk does a great job getting parents and companies to help with girls for the girls. We have been super blessed. As we left town the school and elementary schools were so great to say good luck ladies and cheer us on as we pulled out of parking lot. It was a great memory.

I haven’t mentioned that our boys soccer team also made the State Finals in the tourney. Their presence and winning made our memories so much greater and the experience so much fun! I have known the boys for a long time, as Garrett played with a lot of them. So thankful they were able to experience such a memory before some of them graduated.

While we were at the tourney it was Abbey and Ashton’s 16th bday. They love soccer but, it’s still a rushed bday and not the way you would probably write how you want to celebrate. We let the pasta place serve them some dessert and the girls are so sweet to just help others feel special. We were thankful to get these cookies and pass them out to the girls after dinner.

As we went out on the field for the games, I told the girls that they needed to play hard and believe they could win. The girls worked hard and beat Fayetteville 1-0 and then beat Bentonville 2-0. I have been proud of our defensive line. They did a great job in the back all year and their experience and work effort made a difference in the games.

In the Final Game we were moved from Conway, AR to Fayetteville, AR where we were given the opportunity to play on the Razorback field again, like we did last year. The first week of the tourney the temp was cooler and it’s always a little hotter for the championship! How badly do you want to win?

Before the game started I told them they needed to own and score the first 5 minutes. Now, we’ve said this before and the girls have allowed their fear or doubt to be their focus. Not what I’ve told them to focus on and know. We had experience in the Razorback field and playing on that field is different because of size and noise level. Last year it was harder to get comfortable because of those two things. The girls started quick and really dominated possession for the first 5 minutes like we said. The girls were able to score a goal before the 5 min mark. It was pretty exciting.

Conway came back and scored on a direct kick and sent ball far post in the goal and we were able to score again off of a PK and Alyssa Fason took the shot and it went in. I was. very proud of these girls. They ran over to celebrate with the crowd and honestly, it wasn’t my time to do that.

I was blessed to be a player and to win in college and HS. Games are not for coaches to win, they are for players to win. Players have to choose to work physically and mentally until they are spent. Coaches can want them to do what they say, but players have to decided to do it. So in the end – it is the players win. I am thankful for these ladies and all they have taught me as a coach and how I desire to live as a follower of Christ.

The Championship will be a forever memory for these ladies and I know that they made many memories from the beginning of the season to the end. Hopefully the season made them depend on the Lord more and hopefully the win helps them to know, they should never give up. Believe, focus, believe, train, believe and then DO.

We were fortunate pretty soon after the finals and graduation, we did our soccer banquet. So much to try to fit in! Was fun to see the awards the seniors gave and to give each player an award. All the girls improved this year and I am excited to see where they are able to go.

This year my senior captains asked me if they could give their captain bands to the captains for next year.  We had never done that before. The team always voted, but last year there really wasn’t a unanimous opinion and we struggled to figure out how to pick captains.  When the girls who were voted on for this past season asked me this, I told them I would have to think about it and I would get back with them on it. After a couple days of praying through and looking at positives and negatives, I told them they could pick IF the selection was unanimous between the three.  There were two names that were unanimous so at the banquet the captains handed their arm band to two girls: Addison Funk and Ashton Inman. They couldn’t select a third and we agreed that we would wait to see if someone stepped up to the plate in the coming months. Thankful that the captains were able to approach me with their idea.

Pretty excited to see our championship rings in a few weeks. The girls have enjoyed their new stickers on their windows and seeing the new State Champion painted on the athletic building at school. I’ve collected a few things that will look great in my office this next year.

When school finished and everything was done….it wasn’t! We had a banquet that is focused on highlighting athletes of all sports on what they have accomplished for the year. We had two athletes put on the list: Alyssa Fason and Ashton Inman. Abbey and I went and were able to cheer on all the athletes for all they have done. I was also given the opportunity to coach the All Star game for the seniors. Had a great time hanging out with Rachel and Ashlyn for a couple days and watch them play one last time. It’s such a blessing to look at the final scores for each game we played up on the locker room wall.

Hard to believe my second season is over. As I think back to all that happened and all the Lord did, it’s time to start looking ahead. Will miss these seniors, but look forward to pouring into and investing in the rest. I know they are going to be cheering the rest of the girls on this coming year! I have a new hat read for next year and we will always remember the season we were able to share together. Proud of these ladies! Go Lady Hornets!!!

Coaching is a blessing for me. When I would coach this year it would make me feel “normal” and it’s something I am passionate about. I love seeing the girls improve and succeed. Praying this year the ladies work hard, love one another, focus on improvement and desire to play together.

Continue to pray for the ladies as they train and prepare to prevent injury and be team focused.

I have finished my chemo pills for the year. I am thankful to be done. I’ve been more tired this summer. I have been trying to start working out a bit and I can tell my body is tired. Please pray for continued energy growth.

I will continue to get MRI’s every other month and see a new doctor. Pray that eyes are opened for them and that I do what I need to be doing. God is in control and I trust Him in all of days going forward.

School starts sooner than I can think and I am trying to finish a few things. There’s so much to catch up on and not enough time it seems! Thank you for your continued prayers. God is so good to me!