Month: August 2025

His Blessing Promised on My Head

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My sweet neighbor got me these precious Bible Truth cards and this one I pulled out this morning had me crying.  Who Am I that The God of the universe wants to remind me that HE IS IN CONTROL AND I NEED NOT FEAR.  He made my flesh and holds it together…is anything too hard for Him?   I hope if you are struggling… you will read this and remember that NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR HIM!  I need this Truth everyday as I head into the radiation treatment table….

Thank you so much for all of the prayers, text messages and calls just letting me know that you are all praying for me as walk into the mask.  Finished day two and called those angels in with me and was blessed to have the opportunity to listen to some of my favorite worship music songs from one of my sweet soccer players who made me a CD to listen to while getting treatment.

When I got on the table and told them I had a CD to listen to the tech asked if it was top 40, and course he doesn’t know me yet.  But, I told them, no it was worship music made by one of my players.  They asked me how loud I wanted it to be and I said turn it way up.  They told me they may not hear me if I need something so I would have to move my hands to signal them.  What they may or may not realize, I cannot move my mouth or make any noise if I wanted to anyway – but it was good to know they would look for hand gestures lol.  So there I was laying on the table with my warrior t-shirt and my hot pink blanket, from another one of my players hoping the two song maximum was going to be all they would zap me for.  Well, four songs later – 7 zaps we were done.  Each zap lasts about 30-40 seconds.  I try to count sometimes and then I think it almost makes me breathe harder so it’s best for me to just sing the songs in my head and forget the laser show going on above me.

I will have 29 more treatments.  Please pray that with each treatment my heart remains calm and my breathing is steady.  The last thing I want to do is panic because you can’t get out of that thing fast….Pray also that I have the opportunity to encourage the other patients around me and the tech people working.  So many hurting people around me and I want to be the light I have been called to be.

As I was reading in Psalms 139 this morning of course the Lord spoke right to my heart and I wanted to share what he showed me:

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.

(To know that you are known by the God of the Universe….with all the millions of people he sees me and knows me.)

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

(He knows where I am and where I am going…he knows my doubts, struggles, my deepest desires – nothing is hidden from him. Nothing I do surprises him.  No struggle I go through or where I am right now with cancer surprises him – David says it’s too wonderful for our wee little minds to comprehend)

 

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.

(No matter where we try and go and hide or how desperate or hurting we may be, we CANNOT escape the presence of the Lord.  He is there waiting and ready for us to reach out our hand and to desire for him to lead us and guide us in our hardest moments.  He promises his hand to guide us and strength to support us…. we simply need to just ASK.)

These promises in Psalms meant a lot to me this morning especially after reading the card I shared up top……and as I read vs 5 this morning I wept.  I wept because the Lord has promised HIS HAND OF BLESSING ON MY HEAD.  To know that this morning the God of the universe knew that I needed to be reminded that he has my head in his hands and that he has promised to bless me was such a sweet moment of HOPE in the middle of my battle was just what I needed to battle day 2 of treatment.

I have been so blessed by so many people the last few days… my sweet friend Nikki is dropping me off, picking me up…she’s like an Uber/taxi for me.  My sweet friend Elizabeth and her daughters came and found me yesterday getting a Bible engraved a the bookstore so they could bless me and hug me after my first treatment. Please lift up her mom who is also undergoing treatment.  Their family has meant the world to me for along time and I love them all!  I got 5 cards from a family in Tulsa I don’t know – just praying scripture over me.  I’m telling you what…God desires for me to know that He hasn’t left me or abandoned me and he is using his people to just be His hands and feet to me.  Just so blessed.

Please continue to pray:

  • For Complete peace and God’s grace in the treatment
  • That the radiation and chemo is being effective to treat the cancer
  • For my strength and energy to remain high – I have lots i want to get to!
  • I’m having a different sensation in my throat/upper neck – doesn’t hurt, doesn’t last long I really can’t even explain it..but I just want to rest in it when it happens….blood pressure/heart rate is good 
  • Our older three leave tomorrow from their mission trip in Denver  -safe travels home and a God honoring last day there.  They’ve had a blessed time and seen God do some amazing things…so I am thankful
Today's Blessing
Cards from Tulsa Family
Friends
Elizabeth Dillard, Me and Nikki Funk

Treatment Decision – Moving Forward

Florida Sunset

“Be Strong and Take Heart, all you who Hope in the Lord.”  Psalms 31:24

Look at this cool picture from my friend Billy Cannon.  If God can hold this little bubble in turbulent waters and allow such a beautiful moment to come out of it, how much more can he do that for you and me?

When I think back over all that has happened in the last week…I think wow, has it only been a week?  It’s hard to believe that it’s been a few weeks since my seizure and diagnosis and pretty much time has gone, sometimes fast, sometimes slow…but it goes on.

In my last couple blogs I explained a bit on some options for treatment for me.  I’ve struggled really finding peace in a way to go.  I’m not great at making decisions by myself, I have always been a firm believer of surrounding myself with people who have the same heart and direction and asking them to council me.  Whether it’s soccer decisions, parenting decisions, decorating, whatever… I’ve always trusted those around me to help me.  This decision has been no different for me.

We have been very blessed with connections to so many doctors, facilities and just wise people to give us their opinions.  The doctors have been gracious to talk to Scott anytime, calling us from their vacation or where they are speaking to help us out.  We have heard from Duke, MD Anderson, AR Baptist and UAMS.  Pretty sure we could be on the phone with people from other places or these places all the time.  But, we knew we needed to make a decision and get going on fighting this battle.

We had pretty much been told by several doctors that I needed to get going on Radiation and Chemo at least 4 weeks after my seizure.  We had considered surgery to remove the tumors and again you have many brilliant minds with differing thoughts on the process.  In the end Scott and I felt like the risk of surgery wasn’t worth it at this point.  So we have decided to begin the chemo/radiation treatment….today.  Geez….TODAY!

I know I posted back about the Mask I have to wear and I am still less than thrilled at the idea of wearing it.  Today I will go and they will do the 30 minute run through (basically to make sure they have everything set with the machine before they zap me with radiation.)   When I am done with that they want to do my first treatment.  So I will be laying there longer than normal.  Please pray for peace for me during this process.  Ask the Lord to give me clarity on the verses he wants me to repeat and to remember them while I’m laying there.  Pray that I can be a light to the technicians and other patients and that this step will begin the process of killing the tumors and little arms trying to infiltrate my brain.

Today I am holding on to the promises and Truths of this passage in Romans.  It is one of my favorites.  Paul was writing reminding us that if we are in Christ than NOTHING  we encounter will be able to defeat us because of what Jesus already accomplished for us on the cross.

Romans 8:31-39

More Than Conquerors

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

God is greater than any battle we will face.  IF God is for us….which he has promised that he is and has shown up big time by sending Jesus in our place….then no one/nothing CAN be against us and stand.  God desires to bless us and give us ALL THINGS.  I’m not saying God desires to give me millions of dollars, but desires to give me the BEST of ALL THINGS that I need.  He knows what I need more than I could ever know.

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

Jesus himself is praying for me.  I think about Jesus being in the garden with sweats of blood coming down because he knew the cross was just around the corner.  He knew where to go for strength and he spent time alone with his Father throughout his time on earth communing through prayer.  Jesus is praying for me….he is praying for you…he desires for our hearts to be drawn to him in complete dependence and to pour out our hearts to our Father.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

Can Cancer separate us from the LOVE of Christ?  Here’s the deal.  We all face hardship and through those times we allow the devil to speak lies to us.  “God doesn’t love you…. I told you there isn’t a God…who would let this happen…. you won’t beat this…. you aren’t worth anything….” And it goes on.  We need to see, claim and understand that Satan desires to destroy us and the message of the hope of the gospel however he can.  He will use our difficulties to try and refocus us off of what is True.  Don’t let him.

 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We are promised to conqueror every situation we face because he loves us.  It’s nothing we can do.  We cannot earn the right to be a better conqueror because of what we have done.  His promise in ALL THESE things is based off of who HE is and the love he showed us through Jesus death for us.  There is nothing – in my case, not even cancer -that can separate me from God’s love.  He has promised to fight this battle for me, to sustain me and in the end I will conqueror it because of who he is.  I could throw a party after I read this passage!  

So as I move forward through this 6 first week journey of Chemo/radiation please pray these things for me:

  • Peace as I lay on the machine and complete focus on the Lord
  • Peace as my M-F days will be going to get the radiation and remembering to take medicine 
  • Good health and energy during my treatment
  • For God to continue to give me opportunities to encourage my family, soccer players and anyone else the Lord brings into my path – may I never listen to the lies of the devil and may I continue to claim his Truth to matter what.

 

Seriously so thankful and humbled by all of you.  Please feel free to send me your prayer requests.  I have so many journals going right now for different things, but I want to be faithful to pray for you as you struggle or battle.  I like to spend as little time thinking about myself and praying for others has been such a blessing to me already.

family picture
Continue to pray for the kids and Scott as we battle forward

His Faithful Love Endures Forever

I know it’s been a couple of days since I wrote anything and honestly not ignoring this opportunity, I have just been loved on by so many, so well that face to face relationships have taken priority to me sitting down to write.  I also have been in a holding pattern it seems on what to do next.  Let me tell you first about the blessings that have occurred in my life the last couple of days which has just brought distraction and just joy to me.

I have to admit the days sort of run together and without a “set” schedule the days run together and I am going from one thing to the next.  I look forward to the daily visits from different people who have been able to pour into me encouragement, prayer, laughs and just normalcy.

Saturday morning we said goodbye to our older three who headed to Colorado on a mission trip.  They were excited about the opportunity to go and never once vocalized whether they should go or not.  For that I am thankful.  They trust in the One that I trust in and they are living that out by continuing to press on and forward in what they have been called to go and do.  Please pray for them while they are gone.  Pray that they grow and learn to trust the Lord in a whole new way.  Pray for me while they are gone.  I’ve never cried when my kids have left for trips…. but I did this time.  I don’t even know why.  I am thankful for the phones….they send me all kinds of pics so I can see them doing what they are doing and that makes me smile.  So our house will be a bit quieter this week.  

Saturday I had the awesome privilege to represent my school, players and other coaches at the state sports banquet.  Goodness was it fun to watch players who have put in so much time and energy into their passion and watch how they have already succeeded and how they desire to continue on in their sport of passion going forward.  It was fun for me as well because I had two of my high school players were recognized and there were four girls I have coached in club who were also recognized for their accomplishments which was fun.  For the four hours I was there I felt normal and cancer wasn’t a part of the night.

I was very humbled to be named girls soccer coach of the year for Arkansas and stand with the other great coaches being recognized for their own commitments and successes.  It was just a great evening of celebration.  I have learned through this never to take these moments for granted.  To soak it all in and enjoy the experience you are living without looking for the next thing or how you wish things were different than they turn out to be.  I had the opportunity to meet the volleyball coach of the year as well and just as the Lord likes to do, she had just heard about my diagnosis the day before and been praying for me without even knowing we would be at the same banquet. God has surrounded me with such awesome prayer warriors and I am very thankful.  Please pray for me to just soak in every moment I’ve been given no matter how small it may seem.  I don’t want to miss anything!

I’ve struggled to finish this the past day and a half because I have really been pressing into the Lord to say, “what do you want to show me?”  I am spending so much time in the Word and reading great devotionals, books and stories that so many of you have sent me that have been so encouraging for me.  Honestly I’ve felt like a “normal” person the last couple of days.  An undeserved, blessed, normal person lol.

But, I woke up today and the Lord gave me a direct message through His Word and I want to share it with you:

I read in 1 Kings 19:11-13 about Elijah’s time with the Lord.  Leading up to this moment he had battled the prophets of Baal and had defeated them by calling down fire from heaven, while they struggled – cutting themselves and begging Baal to show up…and he never did.  Elijah trusted in the Lord and the Lord provided the fire and consumed everything around it proving once and for all that he is the only TRUE God.  (1Kings 18:1-46)

Even after this success Elijah was in a battle and being chased by queen Jezebel and he ran away to escape.  He was tired and warn out and ready to die.  He begged God to allow him to die.  But, the Lord ministered to him and brought him food and water and encouragement in a different form…..

1 Kings 19:11-13

11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.

After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.

And after the fire came a gentle whisper.13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

So often we battle or life gets hard and we just want God to take it away or show up big or do something….anything at that moment.  And honestly we miss him working in our lives because of what we expect should happen or how it should go.

As I sit and think about my own struggles right now I feel Elijah.  “God this battle, this enemy, these decisions, THIS…is too much.  I just want to serve you like I’ve been doing, ministering to my family and others…not dealing with THIS.”  But, he’s reminding me that THIS has been given to me for MY BETTER and that HE is Faithful Forever.

The desires for me to not be blown away by the loudness, the hard news, the storms, the wind, the fire…ect, He desires for me to sit and hear his whisper and to come near to him as he ministers to my heart.   I love the question he asks Elijah, “What are you doing here?”  When I come to the Lord with my questions, doubt, fear, uncertainty – he’s asking me, “what are you doing here?”  He wants to know the deepest desire of my heart and is my heart focused on him and what he can and promises to do in and through me or am I struggling in the storm waiting to sink not trusting that God CAN and he WILL do what is best and necessary to draw me closer to himself moment by moment.

I can say pretty honestly, I wouldn’t have chosen cancer.  However, I can also say that through this experience I get to hear the whisper of God in my heart and mind like I never have before and he is really asking me if I trust him.   I wake up everyday and must choose to trust and not be blown away by the storms around me.  I trust in the one who holds my life and I trust that he will minister to me every moment, in every way that I need it.  He will hold me and whisper to me, “My faithful love endures forever.”

I’ve included a picture of Psalm 136:1-9 today which was such a blessing to me this morning.  Please pray these things for me:

  1.  That I will always be thankful and give thanks to the Lord
  2. That I will always focus on that he is faithful and his love endures forever
  3. He who made and maintains the heavens – is caring for me through each whisper, call, doctor and experience – I don’t want to miss his voice!
  4. And just pray that as we have to make final decisions the next couple of days that I will have complete peace and TRUST that the Lord is leading us and has this

Thank you everyone for your faithfulness to pray and walk with us.  If I am the only one changed through this experience, it’s not worth it to me.  I am fervently praying for God to move each of us to love him greater and to live that out ever day.  He has a story to tell through this and goodness we are going to be blown away!   #hopewarriorunnamed-2

Keeping Focused

I know I wrote a couple days ago and many of you have asked me questions about the appointment and what we have decided to do.  I would love to report that we are 100% sure on what we are going to do, but we aren’t there.  We had a great visit with a Dr. at UAMS and enjoyed his knowledge and all that he feels like he can do when he sees my scans.  He is very confident that he can go in and remove most if not all of the tumors and would do part of the surgery on me awake.  Little bit for me to wrap my head around.  It’s gotten a little easier to think about the process of all of this because I have been surrounded with great encouragement from so many people and have been given the opportunity to speak with others who have gone through similar situations.

I spent almost an hour on the phone last night with a woman who lives hear Hot Springs.  Her husband has battled brain cancer for the past 5 years and she was so gracious to share with me their journey and struggles – but also praises.  He underwent the same type of procedures that we are talking about for me.  I love being able to share life with new people and be able to praise God together and pray together as we are both in a very real battle, but trust in the One we know can deliver and will no matter what.  Please pray for them: Her name is Kim and her Husband is Mike.  Pray for God to work in a mighty way in his brain and for them to continue to feel peace in the process.

While I was on the phone with Kim, Scott was on the phone with someone else who had connections to a couple doctors at Duke.  He shared with this woman a little about what was going and then today we sent my pics to the doctors there so they could look at them.  We should hear from them this weekend.

I have seen God show up in some amazing -amazing ways.  I cannot keep up writing about it because I am in tears most of the time as I really think about how he is just keeping me close to his heart and working so many details out for me that he knows that I need.  I wake up every day, spend time in the word and every moment after that I am choosing to trust.  I don’t know what my future holds.  I choose not to think about it too much.  Honestly, all I want to think about is relaxing by the pool, getting my house redone and getting my soccer stuff organized.  But, the Lord has a different plan for me this summer.  He has decided to take me deep and to ask me to draw others closer to himself.  I could refuse and live in misery and worry.  But, I have seem him bless too may circumstances in my life for me to choose that road.  I am confident that he who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6) . He isn’t going to waste a moment of this journey for me and those who allow him in.

With all of this going on in my life…. other things in life continue on.  I need to order letters and awards for my high school girls…I’m a little behind on this.  Should’ve already ordered these things.  I am trying to put together and get my club team organized – do people want to play for a coach with a brain tumor…lol.  But, goodness have I been so touched by these ladies and their families.  Literally my time coaching means so much to me.  I love the opportunity to challenge the ladies on the field and in life and to just love on them.  I know the struggles they face and I know it’s hard for them to find someone to open to and my greatest desire is for them to know that they can count on me.  I’ve struggled with that a bit through this, because there are no guarantees in any of this.  But, the reality is there never is or was a guarantee before my diagnosis either.  I am focused, committed and steadfast to be here for them for however long our journey is and to show them how you struggle and overcome – to be a warrior through life’s rocky journey.

I am working through designing a t-shirt right now, to help my girls (teams) and keep them focused on this battle and who holds the victory.  This shirt will keep me focused on the One who holds me and where I need to spend my energy no matter what I may see going forward.  I can’t wait to show you all the finished design!

I have been working through this passage today:

“May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Please pray this verse for me…

  • I want the JOY of Christ to always be evident in my life.  This isn’t a “happy” tone or way to be, it’s a deep uncontrollable overflow that only the Lord can give.  No matter my situation or circumstances, I want the JOY of Christ to bubble over in my life.
  • That I will have peace going forward.  We are about to make a decision regarding my treatment.  What I have basically been told is that you start a treatment and go with it.  And choosing one thing over the other is your decision.  I want to be wise and I want God’s peace in the process.  He has brought so many awesome people to us that has been such a blessing to us to help us navigate through these decisions – so thankful.
  • That we may overflow with HOPE.  I want to be a Hope Warrior.  In the Old Testament Hope was linked with “putting confidence in or taking refuge in.”  The New Testament goes on to say that the christian has hope that is the “assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.(Hebrews 11:1) It cannot be moved by circumstances.  I want to step forward in complete confidence and know no matter what I am told, I can trust in the one who holds me.   He is my refuge and I can take refuge in him going forward.

Thank you for praying and ministering to me and my family already.  I keep asking God why he chose me to share this message… but I am already so blessed and thankful for what I have seen him do.